I woke up this morning feeling as though I were in the pit of despair. Then I remembered my dream (P.S. for those of you who may not know, I work in veterinary hospitals as a relief veterinarian):
I was at my mom’s house in the living room. I had a large collection of squirrels that I had caught from the backyard. I was sedating them, then killing them and then eating them. After eating a few squirrels I discovered that I really liked to eat the ears and front legs the best. They were crunchy and tasty. I was munching on one squirrel’s front leg happily after I had already eaten off the ears and the other front leg and I was snacking down on the front limb as happily as Golem enjoying a fish in the movie, The Lord of the Rings.
Suddenly the squirrel started squirming and moving and it jumped out of my hands and trying to run away on its back legs and half gnawed off stump-arm. I ran after it and grabbed it quickly, horrified that it wasn’t in fact dead. I clearly didn’t want the poor thing to suffer and I was appalled that I didn’t kill it properly before eating it. I grabbed it and attempted to draw up sedating medications in a syringe. It jumped away again and I grabbed it again. I grabbed an anesthesia machine from the corner of my mom’s living room and turned the anesthesia on high and placed a mask on the squirrel’s face to get it to breathe in the anesthesia. It was squirming and struggling as I held the mask to its face. It again wriggled free and frantically started pushing itself across the floor with its back legs.
My brother showed up with a syringe full of euthanasia solution to help. I again caught the squirrel and held the anesthesia mask back to its face. It struggled as I pinned it down and forced it to breathe through the mask. My brother approached with the syringe of euthanasia solution and started poking wildly in the direction of the squirrel, nearly stabbing me several times. I became angry with him and told him to wait. He protested and told me that he never had the chance to euthanize an animal before and that I better let him do it because he wanted to.
I turned and screamed at him as the squirrel still struggled under my hold, but with less strength than before. “Just wait as second, you cannot stab this poor thing with a needle in its heart while it can still feel it, just wait for the anesthesia to work. I promise I’ll let you do it and I’ll even show you how properly, but just fucking wait a minute. Fuck!”
At that moment my mom walked in and told me that I had the anesthesia machine hooked up wrong. She fixed the tubes on the machine and walked away. The squirrel began to struggle harder and again got loose and hopped away on its back legs, jumped over a baby gate that was blocking off the living room and then it ran into a crack in the wall, leaving a trail of blood from its severed front legs. It was gone. I laid on the floor and sobbed like a baby.
I told my boyfriend about my dream this morning. He told me “Shit, babe, you have seriously fucked up dreams. I dreamt about women in their underwear”